prostitution Archives - Shared Hope International

January 23, 2013 by SHI Staff

“HOPE” Through a Men’s Accountability Group

(Guest Post by Jon Bean of the MST Project)

I want to tell you about The Hope Campaign. The Hope Campaign is a men’s accountability group resource for men, many of whom may be coming to the understanding for the first time that something needs to change. Maybe they are involved with prostitution, porn, or other more illicit activities but they are starting to understand that this isn’t the way things should be. We want to connect with these men and help them process the rediscovery of hope. What sort of changes need to happen in order to draw near to God? What does a life of victory look like? Is there anyone that I can be vulnerable with about my story who won’t judge me and is willing to love me where I’m at while at the same time, lifting me up?

The Hope Campaign is based on our own experiences dealing with sexual sin, and how we were able to answer those questions and others that came up. We made the choice to walk away from that lifestyle and discover what it meant to live in intimacy with Christ rather than intimacy with darkness.

We learned to be open with others and talk about things like not being alone, removing the masks that we hide behind, and how we affect our connection with God, by choosing to connect with darkness instead. We have seen God work when we opened our hearts and He has worked through the lives of other men that we allowed to be a part of our lives. We trust God to use this material in the process of restoring these men to a place of victory and intimacy with Christ. Men who are restored and living lives of victory, will not want to return to the lives they were living. They will take the experiences that they lived in the past and use them to lift other men up, to choose not to victimize and exploit, but rather to protect and defend those that are most vulnerable. We know this because we have seen this happen in our own lives and hearts.

To learn more about the Hope Campaign, or men’s accountability groups, you can contact me at jon@mstproject.com.

December 12, 2012 by SHI Staff

Overcoming the Past: Understanding Through Renting Lacy

Guest Blog Post by Zen Loveall

False beliefs: I use to think that porn, strip clubs, and affairs were all O.K. I thought this was just part of being a guy. I use to think that my wife’s inability to satisfy me sexually was due to a problem with her. I am not hurting anyone. Women in porn and strip clubs want to do what they are doing and I am helping my mistresses by giving them the sex that they need. TV, movies, bars, clubs, advertising, magazines, and the Internet all fully supported these false beliefs.

What was my reality? I was using sex and fantasy for the wrong things and so too much would never be enough. Regular porn, and small amounts use to be O.K., but over time I needed more and more. Eventually, I was a walking dead man that lost total control of his sexual desires, living a fantasy life in my head, destroying my marriage, causing deep harm to the women that came into my life, all while supporting an industry that destroys women and children.

I was afraid of feeling my feelings and I had a lot of bad feelings. I did not understand that you can’t stop the bad feelings without stopping the good ones. I used the objectification of women and fantasy as an escape. Eventually I had no feelings…I was like a walking dead man. I wanted intimacy but bought into the myth that sex with a woman was intimacy. Sure it is a form of physical intimacy, but it is not real intimacy. You cannot have true intimacy with an object and that is what women had become for me. When I was out with my wife or friends I would just check out all the women in the room and spin fantasies in my mind around how these “objects” could satisfy me.

After I started to come out of my delusion, it took me years to turn this around. For over 15 years in my marriage, I made my wife feel less than and defective because she could not meet my insatiable sexual needs. I will have to spend the rest of my life trying to make up for that crime. I spent years in recovery groups around sex and I always use to wonder why don’t I see more strippers and prostitutes in recovery? The book “Renting Lacy” helped me to understand this. Very few of these young women make it into recovery because most of them die. The movie “The Whistleblower” also helped me to understand what I was contributing to.

When I read the book “Renting Lacy” and contemplated all the women and children suffering from this I cried and cried. I can never make that right, but I can support groups like Shared Hope and The Defenders and continue to come out of my delusion, learn to respect women as people, and continue to learn to be present and truly alive.

– Zen Loveall

May 24, 2012 by Shamere

Unavoidable Destiny | Legally a Criminal, Legally a Victim: The Plight of the Bottom

Looking back at the 18 months of my victimization by a “guerilla pimp” (most abusive type of pimp), I have to make an honest decision in regard to my actions. While under the direction of the pimp, I did commit punishable offenses under the law and was charged with conspiracy to commit the Mann Act—driving minors across state lines for illegal purposes. I honestly do not believe that I was a perpetrator of this crime because I was forced to drive the car, just as I was forced to submit to prostitution and the humiliation of being sold for sex, over and over. Congress stated in the federal Trafficking Victims Protection Act (TVPA) of 2000, and I believe, that I should not be held responsible for the crimes I was forced to commit while I was enslaved.

In my case, I believe two key circumstances state the case for my innocence:

1. Motivation: The crimes were committed out of force and in protection of my life and the lives of my family. I never once profited.2. Free will: I would not have committed these crimes from my own free will—the crimes were committed under the direction of the pimp.

A victim does not become the “bottom girl” overnight. It is important to recognize that a “bottom girl” has been deeply manipulated and has likely developed a trauma bond with her pimp. Her basic ability to determine right from wrong has become corrupted by thoughts and actions instilled by her pimp through fear. The “bottom girl” develops compliant behavior after constant threats and real severe beatings and rapes, and witnessing the cruelty done to other girls.

From the very first beating when I was choked to the point of unconsciousness until the day he pulled the trigger on the miraculously unloaded gun in my mouth, I knew obedience meant survival. When he placed the gun in my mouth and asked me if I wanted to die, I shrugged. I thought, “Finally, this pain and this life would be over and the only one hurt is the one who was responsible for me being in the situation – ME!” The trigger was pulled but I was still alive. For a few moments, I thought I was experiencing death with the ability to still see life, until I felt the blows to my head by the gun. This was when I realized there was no hope. I had to continue this life of being obedient to him so my family wouldn’t get hurt, as he reminded me each day. I was alive, but was not living. I was a slave.

Congress expressed its understanding of this victim behavior in the federal TVPA: “Victims of severe forms of trafficking should not be inappropriately incarcerated, fined, or otherwise penalized solely for unlawful acts committed as a direct result of being trafficked…” Nonetheless, victims are still being charged.

Today in America, the justice system faces a severe challenge. Does it respond to the victimization of the bottom girl by offering services and freedom? Or does it consider the bottom girl a perpetrator and respond with jail sentences and correctional programs?

It is a difficult question and the answer is likely unsatisfying: every case is different and should be investigated independently so as to bring justice in the greatest way possible.

faces-of-prositution-1 — The Same Girl: A Progression over time into the depths of prostituion

My experience revealed the importance of awareness at all levels. Judges, prosecutors and defense attorneys need to be adequately trained on the issue of sex trafficking to be able to evaluate each case and to fully understand the circumstances under which the crimes were committed. One promising practice is found in the state of Georgia where an expert witness panel was formed to provide informed testimony for the court, improving the likelihood of better outcomes for those “bottom girls” who are charged with conspiring, aiding or committing human trafficking as a result of trying to survive their enslavement, like I was.

As one who has experienced the consequences of this dilemma, it is especially difficult to say that there are circumstances in which the “bottom girl” may actually have stepped over the slippery line of victimization into the role of offender. In any case, age should never be a determining factor in the decision to charge a victim. The simple argument that a victim over the age of 18 should know better does not realistically consider the very real duress experienced by the trafficking victim. But how do we determine when the “bottom girl” is acquitted or convicted? What could I have said in my defense that would have changed the outcome of my conviction? What will we hear in the story of a “bottom girl?”

March 30, 2012 by Shamere

Unavoidable Destiny | The Reality of the “Bottom Girl” Part 2

Last week I wrote on the realities of the “bottom girl.” This person has been heavily manipulated to become the pimp’s right hand man. Will you stop for a second just to imagine the kind of manipulation that took place for anyone to be second to the pimp? Through all the physical and psychological torture, this person became loyal to a guerilla pimp (pimp who uses fear, violence and coercion). Imagine being loyal to a friend who betrays your trust? Isn’t it difficult to stay loyal to these kinds of people? Now add violence to that situation.

Pimps manipulate bottoms more than any other girl. One of the most common lies is that he is going to leave “the game” to have a life with her. Sometimes, the pimp dangles her dreams in front of her. “Yes, I will send you back to school; yes, I will get you your own apartment; and yes, I will get you a car.” However, while she is with her pimp it will never be her reality, only a dream. But here she is, clinging to the unrealistic hope that one day he will fulfill his promise.

I was manipulated to become the pimp’s “bottom girl” through the promise of school. I knew the first night he forced me to sell my body that I was not comfortable in that life but I was beaten to the point of unconsciousness for telling him I wanted out. Then, the same man who beat me so badly, turned into prince charming. Apologizing and affirming that I will go back to school.

The duties of the bottom girl are clear, but for some it’s difficult to comprehend. Her responsibilities to the pimp make it easy for our society and judicial system to see her as criminal instead of a victim. She is beaten, threatened, and forced to exert the same level of exploitation and coercion as the pimp, contributing to her dual role as victim and exploiter. The authority given to her in the pimp’s absence comes with great accountability. To whom much is given much is required.

Come back next Friday to learn how the characteristics of the bottom unfold from victim and through coercion and violence by the trafficker, the victim becomes exploitative as well..

March 23, 2012 by Shamere

Unavoidable Destiny | The Reality of the “Bottom Girl” Part I

Language, norms and roles are some of the basic elements of culture. The “life” or the “game” is the subculture of sex trafficking. Within this subculture, prostitution is one of the obvious norms and the language would not be understood by someone outside of this culture. Terms like wife-in-law, tricks or bottom girl/b***h are common within the commercial sex industry. There are also different roles in this culture. The pimp is the top of the hierarchy and is the only one who profits. He defines the roles, makes the rules, and administers punishment when deemed necessary. Everyone must obey him and do whatever he says. The bottom girl is the pimp’s most trusted girl; she usually has been with the pimp the longest and knows the rules of “the game.”

Let’s take a closer look at the bottom girl. The term bottom girl is not one you would come across if you are not familiar with sex trafficking culture. In fact, bottom girl is a descent title. A pimp would refer to her as his bottom b***h. Many understand the pimp’s role, but the role of a bottom girl is more ambiguous. A pimp appoints a bottom girl in efforts to divide and conquer. Every girl under pimp control wants to be the bottom girl, as it signifies honor through the preference and trust of the pimp. This is where the competition begins. Girls try to prove to “daddy” (the pimp) that she deserves to be the bottom. She may tell on other girls to prove her loyalty to her pimp. She may work harder to prove she can bring in the most money for her pimp. This increases competition among the girls, which increases profits for the pimp.

To the public and the other girls in the stable, the bottom girl is seen as being special to the pimp and is granted special privileges. What glitters is not always gold. Here are some things you may not have known about the bottom girl.

Truths about the “bottom girl”:

1. She has been with the pimp the longest.

2. She makes the most money.

3. She oversees the other girls and collects the money in the pimp’s absence.

4. She books hotel rooms.

5. She transports others to clubs, out-calls, home, etc.

6. She is sent by the pimp to bail girls out of jail.

7. She trains new girls under the direction of the pimp.

8. She sits in the front seat of the car if the pimp is driving.

9. She sleeps in bed with the pimp.

10. She is envied by other girls.

11. She has been heavily manipulated.

12. She usually endures the most severe abuse.

13. She is the one arrested and prosecuted with the pimp.

14. She DOES NOT PROFIT.

Each stable is set up differently to maintain power. In some stables the pimp clearly appoints a bottom girl, while in other stables there is no bottom. I didn’t know I was the bottom until I was arrested. Though I did all the things listed above, my pimp said he had no bottom. I remember on one occasion my pimp stomped on me because he smelt alcohol on a girl’s breath. He asked me if she had been drinking but I didn’t know. I was beaten but she was not. I didn’t understand until another girl explained I should have been watching her and keeping her in line. I had to pay the price.

Come back next week as I explain each of the truths about the bottom girl.