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Sharing Your Adventure: Loving One Another Enough to Hold Each Other Accountable

Love. Care. Tenderness. Support. These are all character qualities that are essential to the Defenders. These qualities in my mind all describe one important value of the Defenders: accountability. According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, accountability means “an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one’s actions.”

I always grew up with the term “brother’s keeper.” Brother’s Keeper is a simple term that means you love someone enough to hold them accountable to their actions. In my experience, accountability is only successfully done when both parties hold each other accountable out of common love for the wellbeing of the other person. Part two of The Defenders Pledge says “I will hold my friends accountable for their actions towards women and children.”

Women and Children deserve respect. They deserve to be honored, and we should treat them with that in mind. Human Trafficking and commercial sex takes advantage of women, makes them our objects, and that in no way is right. Out of love for our friends and the women and children who are involved in the industry, should we not hold each other accountable and stay away from that? Out of love and care for the wellbeing of our fellow men, should we not hold each other accountable to our actions? Should we not challenge each other? That’s why part two of the Defenders pledge exists. Out of love and respect for women and children, indulging in the commercial sex industry is clearly not an option.

But as I’ve said in previous blog posts, commercial sex can be an addictive indulgence. It can consume our lives, and pretty soon, quitting this terrible indulgence is harder than we thought. That is also where accountability comes in.Accountability can work as a powerful sword. Holding our fellow men accountable to their actions can fight those desires to indulge, and for some, completely eliminate them. For many, accountability also becomes a shield, which defends our hearts and restores our minds. I’ve experienced this effect personally through a Men’s group which I’ve called Men Mentoring Men.

This group consists of 5-8 men who are committed to meeting once each week to talk about life. We talk about the highs, lows, and struggles of the past week–both sexually and relationally. This group helps men grow in relationship with each other, and restore a healthy view of relationships and sexuality. We laugh, we cry, and we celebrate. This group creates a sword and shield for men who are struggling with commercial sex. It allows men to be vulnerable, and to acknowledge the pain in their life. Ultimately, this group effectively restores our desire to honor and respect women and children.

In a few weeks a new resource will be made available to all men. This resource, which I have compiled and created myself, will walk any guy through the process of creating a Men Mentoring Men accountability group. It is my strong belief that every guy needs at least one other guy to hold them accountable. Every guy needs support, care, and love. Every guy needs a close, supportive friend. Every guy needs accountability.

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It’s a Drug

In the past week, two large events have taken place in Portland to help end human trafficking. Exactly a week ago, the 2-day Do You Know Lacy? sex trafficking awareness training took place. The training had over 200 attendees. Just yesterday an event called ConnectPDX took place, where organizations from all over the Pacific Northwest gathered to create a common plan to end human trafficking. This next blog post is a compilation of my thoughts from these events.

I could write pages and pages about the wisdom that was shared, but today i’m going to focus on something related to the Defenders. But before I begin, here is a reminder of what our Defenders pledge is:

1.    I will not participate in pornography, prostitution, or any form of the commercial sex industry.

2.    I will hold my friends accountable for their actions toward women and children.

3.    I will take immediate action to protect those I love from this destructive market.

Shamere McKenzie, a sex trafficking survivor, says this about men:

“Men–Understand. Understand what it is to be a man. Understand why a woman was created from your rib. Understand that a women was not taken from your head to be on top of you, or your feet to be below you, but from your rib to be beside you. Men need to stand up and be Defenders for women.”

Ultimately, as Shamere pointed out, it’s men that need to stand up and defend women. These girls are being violated, and we cannot just sit here. Men have to rise up and stop this issue. After all, are we not the demand for this brutal business? And if we are the demand, are we not the cure as well? We are the ones that have to stop this problem. (For more information on the supply and demand culture, I recommend you watch this video by our friends at the EPIK Project)

Men, when it comes to ending the trafficking in this world, it’s our job. As a fellow Defender pointed out at the Do You Know Lacy? training, we have absolutely no right–ever–to disrespect any human being. When we look at pornography, go to the strip club, or purchase a prostitute, we are objectifying these women. We are completely taking away their rights, saying that they are ours for the taking.

I want to take some time to talk about pornography. After all, that’s not related to trafficking at all, right? Well, as I’ve done my research on pornography, I’ve found that they are completely intertwined. As it turns out, you cannot have one without the other. To put it simply, pornography is simply the pictures or videos of the prostitution. Ultimately, if you are supporting pornography, you are supporting trafficking. in some way.

What if I told you that pimps used pornography to train the little innocent 12-year-old girls on how to treat the client? What if I told you that pornography is used by pimps to advertise their girls, and what if I told you that buyers often demand that the little girls do the acts that they saw in the pornography they viewed? All of these are true. It happens, and It’s real.

If that doesn’t convince you pornography and trafficking are intertwined, lets talk about science.

In the drug world, marijuana is referred to as the gateway drug. People call it this because of a thing called habituation. When a person experiences the high that marijuana offers, their brain falls in love with it, and of course they continue to use it because it satisfies them so much. Eventually, habituation kicks in and his/her brain gets used to the high that marijuana offers. After a while, the marijuana high no longer satisfies the person, so he/she has to move on to something more powerful. This cycle continues on forever.

Pornography works the same way. It’s actually proven that the same chemicals are spinning in your brain when you indulge in pornography. When you view pornography, you get a certain “high,” but eventually that kind of pornography doesn’t please you anymore, and you have to move on to something even more hardcore. Pretty soon, pornography won’t even please you, and that’s when people move on to the more physical things, like prostitution and private strip clubs shows. This is not a slippery slope argument; this is a scientific fact.

So, where do we go from here? I hope you have realized that pornography is deeply intertwined with human trafficking. If you have, and you struggle with sexual addiction, know that there is hope. As Defenders we can support each other, and acknowledging that you have this addiction is the first step towards healing. If you haven’t already, take the pledge, and then get friends to join you. Support each other. Create a men’s support group.

In the words of a fellow Defender, Nick Lembo, “We are supposed to be sexual beings. But when you take it outside of what it’s supposed to be, lives are ruined.”

Together, we can end demand. We are Defenders.

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Trafficking Awareness: The Power of Education

Thanks for checking out this blog. I hope you walk away from this post learning a little about the commercial sex industry, and how to deal with personal addictions.

I just finished watching a TV Mini-series called Human Trafficking. Made in 2005, this fictionalized series brutally but authentically illustrated the seriousness of international human slavery.

I don’t think I’ve ever felt so overwhelmed while watching a movie in my life. I’d recommend it to anyone who wants to learn about the severity of trafficking, but keep in mind that it made my stomach churn, and at some points I felt nauseous. It is an incredibly raw series. Regardless of how hard it is to watch, it illustrates the brutality of the commercial sex industry so well.

This brings me to this week’s topic: education. When I say education, I’m not speaking of going to school (though I do think that is important!). Education is taking the time to learn the facts about a specific topic, and in our case, we are taking time to learn the brutal reality of sex trafficking. Through movies like Human Trafficking, survivor stories, and blogs like this, you can participate in very needed education.

As Defenders, we have all taken a pledge. Part one of that pledge says “I will not participate in pornography, prostitution or any form of the commercial sex industry.” Now, I think guys would all agree that part one of this pledge is way easier said than done. You see, the commercial sex industry works like a drug. The chemicals in your brain begin to spin as you indulge, and you leave the experience getting a very temporary wave of good feelings. This leads you to constantly desire more and more, and after a very short amount of time, your body can be addicted to the temporary good feelings that these experiences provide.

That being said, what if I told you that the addiction to the commercial sex industry could be avoided or healed? What if I told you that those temporary good feelings would no longer feel good? Thats where education comes in to play.

As a Defender, I hope you’ve realized that the commercial sex industry has more brutality to it than meets the eye (if you are unfamiliar with the common myths of the sex industry, go here). As you can see through videos like this, where survivors share the facts, the industry is awful. Girls are hurt. Girls are raped. Some girls even die. Girls are locked in rooms like prisoners. They are slaves. Through learning the facts and being willing to be educated on this topic, your feelings on the commercial sex industry will begin to change.

I can say from personal experience that once you are educated, the commercial sex industry begins to stop producing those very temporary waves of good feelings. When you go to indulge, you can remember the facts. You can remember the brutality. More importantly, you can remember the girls. And from personal experience I can say that when you go to indulge, remembering the education you have puts a halt to your desire to indulge in any kind of commercial sex, whether that be pornography, prostitution, or any method of commercial sex. Your mind goes from being a consumer to a person who cares. By remembering the facts, your heart can move from objectifying women to respecting them.

So, in conclusion, I know from personal experience the power that education offers. Be educated, and educate others. You’d be surprised what kind of difference it can make. Remember the facts. Lets honor part one of our pledge.

For more educational resources, you can see this article by Abolition Now.

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Story of a New Defender

Hello, Defenders! Thanks for checking out our blog.

My name is Ethan Morrow, and I am a fellow Defender. I became a Defender about one month ago, and my life hasn’t been the same since. I learned  about the Defenders through my school, Warner Pacific College, and since then the Defenders has become a huge part of my life. In fact, I recently signed on to become a Defenders intern, where I will be offering my experience to help get Defenders active, educated, and encouraged.

Part of my background involves working as a computer teacher for the past four years, engaging students with the ever-changing technological world. I also spend a good amount of my time creating an online presence that inspires others to follow their dreams and discover their passions. I make an effort to live my life passionately, share my heart openly with others (through social media and personal interaction), and hopefully inspire others to do the same.

I am very excited about the launch of our new Defenders video, and the relaunch of our “Take the Pledge” campaign. To me, pledging to be a Defender is more than just a pledge. When you pledge, you are becoming a hero. You are standing up for the injustices of this world. You are caring for the broken, and you are changing the world one promise at a time.

The world of the commercial sex industry is filled with pain and abuse. I believe it objectifies women, and it turns them into animals for the sick pleasure of men. Not only that, but its proven through studies that the commercial sex industry slowly changes your mind, both chemically and emotionally; it lowers your respect for women, increases your sex drive (in a negative way), and slowly disfigures your understanding of love and what a true relationship with a woman looks like. This isn’t a myth. Indulging in the commercial sex industry changes your brain chemistry, and completely degrades women.

But hope isn’t completely lost. Restoration can happen, and prevention can happen. Ultimately, this industry can be eliminated. By taking the pledge, you are committing to change your life. You are committing to take a stand against the violation of women. You are committing to spread love and care.

Through the Defenders Facebook page, our blog, our twitter feed, and other social media, I’m excited that we can create a community of support for guys who have taken the pledge. We can educate each other, share stories, and fight against the violation of women. So, I encourage you to have your friends take the pledge. Support each other. Meet with each other and educate each other. Care for your family.

Let’s be heroes—let’s be Defenders.

[youtuber vimeo=’https://vimeo.com/48097600′]

 

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Return to India: A Warm Welcome at the Brothel

The oppression of the brothel is palpable, assaulting all the senses in unison.  The stench of the street mingles with the sickening sweet mask of incense, the dank narrow staircases feel like upward winding tunnels, each floor reveals clusters of women—lovely, dressed  for work, bejeweled bodies, empty gazes staring.  Quiet, there is no chatter.  They languish.  It’s hot; it is the slow season.

Each floor is owned by a separate brothel owner and we wind our way to the topmost floor where Reshma is the brothel owner.  Timothy is welcome there, a rare visitor gaining entrance through trust.   Like many of the brothel owners, Reshma herself was trafficked and her only memories are contained there.  She wanted her own children to have a life away from that place, so entrusted them to Sparsh’s care.  Two years ago along with Reshma we met one of her ladies, a very beautiful and sad Rekah, who also had given her two children into Sparsh’s care. Later that day at Sparsh we see Rekah again—now a transformed woman!  She smiles broadly as she describes her new life reunited with her children, helping in the home and going to cosmetology school.

Reshma is more compassionate than most brothel owners and says she will come out as soon as her debts are paid.  On this day we visit with four ladies that work for her.  Haseena  looks very downcast and holds her naked nine month baby boy as she pours water into his bird mouth from a plastic bottle top .  How will baby Imran grow up there?  What chance does he have?  Rupa tells us she worked in a sari factory very long hours and made $2 or $3 for a 12 hour day; when she was offered the opportunity for similar work at higher pay in Pune she seized the moment… that ended up here.  She will stay, she says, because she cannot read or write and she has three children somewhere.

Is there something you would like to do if you were freed from this place? Rupa and another girl giggle nervously.   Puzzled by a question that called for a vision of a future beyond these walls, Rupa asks us how learning to read and write could help someone.  Each of the ladies’ stories were the similar—they were tricked or sold into this life.  Now here, with children to care for, with no education, they are trapped.  We look on as Reshma helps dress Rupa for work, carefully folding the beautiful sequined sari and fastening a sparkling necklace.  They urge Elizabeth to try on a sari—turquoise to match her t-shirt…everyone laughs and takes pictures of Rupa and Elizabeth together.   But Elizabeth gets to leave.

To view the complete facebook photo album, click here.

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