Guest Blogger: Lexie Smith
I am sure my new youth pastor never expected the words that came out of my mouth. It was evident by his slightly dropped jaw and wide eyes toward his wife. Never in a million years did anyone suspect that one of the most involved families could be so broken and their oldest daughter walked around with an extreme amount of trauma.
Did I say I was trafficked? No. I just learned what sex was two years prior and believed I had a one-way ticket to hell for “losing my virginity” at the age of six to my cousin… Not to mention my current “relationship” with a high schooler who was pimping me out in the summers. I didn’t have the vocabulary to describe all of that.
Honestly, even if I did, I probably wouldn’t have told because the teeny bit of information I did give was not handled well… in fact, it was not addressed at all. I was told I had to tell my parents about the abuse. I wrote my mom a letter and hid in my house terrified that she was going to kick me out. She found me trembling, tears were streaming down her face, absolutely heartbroken that family members sexually abused me for years. I didn’t tell anyone at that time that I was being trafficked.
There was never any follow-up. My youth pastor never spoke to my parents about it. Our pastor never offered counseling, and no one ever talked to me about it again. I finally mustered the courage to overcome my fears and the response was the equivalent of a “no one cares, kid.” It sank in. Everything they said is true. No one would believe me. No one cares. I am worthless.
This pivotal moment could have completely changed my story.
Had that moment been handled with care, maybe all the future mental and self-afflicted suffering could have been avoided. Maybe a better reaction would start unraveling the lies that I had begun to believe, that my sole purpose was to be a commodity to men.
There are many things I wish would have gone differently, but I want to focus on the three that my church could have done to make a difference.
1) Counseling
My parents were left to figure things out on their own. My church didn’t offer pastoral counseling to direct them in the steps to take next. Momma and papa bear went into full fight and protect mode. Cue the helicopter parenting. Suddenly everything was changing and I felt like I wasn’t allowed to do anything. Not the best way to get the traumatized 12-year-old girl to open up. I wonder how things might have been different with a familiar, wise voice in their lives praying with them, giving advice, and making sure they were not alone as they navigated healing for our family.
2) Mentoring
My parents and I needed mentors. A safe, neutral person could have helped unravel the lies that were taking root in my heart. My parents needed a strong couple to encourage them, maybe even a family who walked through something similar. We needed people dedicated to loving us through it, to help us from falling into the traps of anger, self-blame, denial, and fear. There are layers to healing. An important layer is spiritual. Instead of bowing out of our redemption story, our Church could have played a leading role.
3) Clinical Therapy
Many churches deal with everything “in-house.” Sometimes leaders or members are designated “counselors,” regardless of whether they have the credentials or experience to fill such a role. In many cases members don’t need clinical therapy but rather wise advice, encouragement or a new perspective. Not us. We needed clinical therapy. Believers I knew were notoriously anti-psychologists. After getting my degree in psychology, I acknowledge some methodologies are a little experimental and odd. Yet, many Christian counselors bring Jesus into their sessions in very powerful ways. We need to connect with professionals outside of our four walls, vet them, and refer members out.
The Faith Summit shows countless ways the Church can address human trafficking holistically, effectively, and justly. The Church must be prepared for the 6th grader who shares the unthinkable. For the young woman who stumbles in looking for help or the member whose trauma is brought to light.
The worst thing we can do is say “We will cross that bridge when we get there.” Waiting to cross at a moment of crisis with no preparation is a guaranteed way to burn it. It is time the Church stops burning the bridge of healing for victims and starts building it.
Learn more here: www.justfaithsummit.org
About Lexie Smith:
Lexie is a first generation college graduate with a degree in Psychology from Lee University. She is a dynamic speaker with a purpose-filled life that developed from overcoming child sex trafficking, exploitation, and incest that took place right in her grandmother’s neighborhood. What was meant to destroy her is now being used to inform communities on how to better protect the vulnerable, and properly respond to human trafficking. She has been an inspiring voice to over 42,000 teens since 2012 and imparts a sense of worth, identity, and awareness into a digitally relational generation. Her expertise has been utilized by a number of agencies including local Churches, NGO’s, Tennessee Corrections Institute, ICE, Nashville Metro Vice, and local officers as a trainer, on-call advocate, and consultant. Lexie serves as a member of the Rebecca Bender Ministries Speaker Team as well as a mentor for the Virtual Mentor Program. She and her mom are currently working on their first book about restoring the family after abuse.
This blog post was originally part of our 2016 Faith Summit Speaker Blog Series.
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Kristina Sachs says
Thank you, Lexie, for reflecting the true substance of who you are as God’s creation, a transformed woman with purpose and a plan to help educate the church in how it can better serve as the Master’s hands and feet in offering practical steps towards the healing and wholeness of its family. I’m grateful for your courage and determination to shift your traumatic experience from shame to significance. May God continue to pour his grace and wisdom upon you as you serve him.
Jody Williams says
I’m concerned about the photo of this woman being posted. When we were trying to convince the world sex trafficking was real – it was at a time when no one believed this was even real. We had no choice but to come onto camera showing our eyes so people could hear and feel our pain, fear, and sincerity. It was also the only way to get out information on the only hotline that existed for victims at a time when they couldn’t even call the police or they’d be hung up on. NOW however, w’re hearing about these photos leading to stalking, firing, evictions, social shunning, even to old pimps coming back out of the woodwork after they’ve been released from jail. Now when a “fake” does it like Samoly Mam – she has nothing to worry about. But our point has been made. The Trafficking Act of 2000 was passed. We now have task forces, new laws, and even programs exist now where one can get help. It is no longer necessary to publish the face of us to get our point across this is real. NOW it’s encouraging others to do the same – and then we’re hearing how down the road it’s caused them great harm. You’re married now and it doesn’t matter? Trust me it will affect your children in school then. Don’t have kids? Well some do and they see photos like this and they don’t realize the long term aftermath. WE were willing to take this on to get this movement off the ground. Now it doesn’t help – only harm in the long run. Please take this picture down. http://www.sexworkersanonymous.com
Jody Williams says
Until your book is done, there is http://www.swan-fellowship.us for mothers of victims. There is also a book available “When Someone You Love is Being Pimped” on Lulul
patricia schroeder says
thank you for sharing…this is so nessacary
Karen says
This breaks my heart in so many ways. I know the focus here is on awareness and healing for the victim, and handling this situation “justly” is mentioned, but please tell me that the perpetrators were held accountable for their actions. I just worry for the cycle continuing. This has touched out family as well and as yet is still unresolved. So much more still needs to be done. Thank you for all you are doing in bringing this awareness and a strategy to light!!
Tee says
Churches should consider the need to contact the police in planning our response to abuse.
Angela Meer says
This is a great reminder that cliches and quick action don’t heal a broken and traumatic past. Teaching people the ways to free people with sustained love and interaction is a long-term investment. Thank you for sharing!
Joel Malard says
Keep up the good work.
Peggy says
Hi Lexie, I work to end trafficking also. My first speaking engagement is this weekend sharing my story and also the hope that God brought to my life. Then when I started to be threatened again decades later, I became fearful to live my live again. Through a series of events, God helped me not to be afraid again. So now I have no fear of my past and no embarrassment as there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. I am no longer afraid to tell others, to educate others in what to look for and watch for, and how to protect others in our life. Thank you for sharing your story. It is so important that we speak up now.
K ay says
So many things are hidden within the church. For instance, our daughter had a breakdown after attending church camp due to something that happened there. My husband wanted to hush it up. I wanted to confront. That was about 30 years ago.
One other thing many people need to be aware of is that a great many pastors and youth pastors are addicted to porn, so they may feel threatened or shamed by the topic of sexual abuse or sexual addiction.
There are many layers of silence within the church, which is sad for the victims who have no one to take their side. I hope the light of truth shines into the church, so that healing and reform can take place. It will begin with our prayers and with our willingness to speak out rather than keep secrets.
DeAnne Brining, LMFT says
As a therapist in Sacramento, I currently provide therapy to those who have been victims of sex-trafficking, as well as those who have been victims of molest/rape. I really appreciate that you are informing the church that therapy is crucial in the healing process. Church ‘counselors’ just aren’t equipped to deal with this level of trauma and they need to refer their congregation out to trauma specialists who specifically work with these traumas.
Chelan says
Bravo. Lexie. You show courage and strength and beauty every time you speak or write. It’s an honor to call you friend.
pam says
Bravo, Lexie. You are so brave and you are speaking up for the voiceless. this type of abuse leaves the victim without a voice until they realize what has happened to them. Thank you for all that you are doing.